My Immortal
by Sita Moonlight
Summary: Post 7.22 Chosen- It's been five years, and the night Spike died still haunts Buffy's dreams. But what happens when she gets a phone call from L.A. and comes face to face with no other than Spike? What will she do? B/S
1. Part One

Title: **My Immortal** (Title based on song by Evanescence)  
Author: Sita  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Post 7.22- It's been five years, and the night Spike died still haunts Buffy's dreams. But what happens when she gets a phone call from L.A. and comes face to face with no other than Spike? What will she do? B/S  
Spoilers: Post 7.22 "Chosen"  
Disclaimer: Insert standard disclaimer here.  
Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Just tell me where it's going first.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_You used to captivate me by your resonating mind  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time can not erase  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But do you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_  
_** ~Evanescence~**_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

**Part One**

_"I love you." Her eyes met his, love and adoration shining in her hazel orbs. _

The emotion on his face was sincere yet disbelieving as he spoke, "No you don't....but thanks for saying it." 

Pure white sand. She could taste it. She could smell it. She could feel it. It was all around her suddenly....Everything was sand. No tree's. No civilization. Just miles and miles of and endless desert. 

"I know this." 

The words echoed and were oddly loud compared to the silence that was experienced only a moment before. Somehow she knew she had been here before....but when? 

"Buffy!" 

She knew that voice. It was.... 

"Spike!" 

He was covered in the white sand, a knife protruding from his chest, and the sand on his chest was quickly becoming black from all the blood he was loosing. 

"Spike!" She screamed again. Starting to run. The more she ran, the farther away he seemed. She couldn't reach him. 

Suddenly, he burst into flames, the white-hot sunlight causing his vampire flesh to start desinigrating 

Right before he did, he turned his head, "It's all your fault." 

"No...." She whimpered. 

"Yes." He replied, before there was nothing left but a pile of bloody ashes laying in the middle of an endless desert, and she let out a blood-curdling scream. 

**** 

"Buffy?" 

The blonde sat straight up in bed, looking over to her right and coming face to face with the soft and caring face of her lover. 

"Are you having nightmares again?" He questioned, placing his hand on top of hers. 

She nodded numbly, catching a stray tear with her thumb and sighing, "Don't worry about it, Andy." 

"Buffy," He turned on his side in bed, facing her. "You say that every night. You _never_ tell me these dreams. We've been together for two years. Why are you keeping something like this a secret?" 

She pushed the blankets off of her legs, starting to get out of bed, her back facing the brunette man as she answered, "It's my past. It's really something I'd rather not discuss." She seemed tense as she left their bedroom. "I'm going to take a bath." 

"Buffy...." 

"Look, I'm just going to take a bath right now." She walked out of their room, not bothering to turn and look at her boyfriend before shutting the door behind her. 

**** 

It was her fifth cup of coffee, and Buffy could already see the sun starting to rise. Sighing, she walked out on the porch, watching the sunrise. 

She could _never_ sleep after that nightmare. The same nightmare that had been plaguing her since a month after Spike's sudden death. She had no clue what the nightmares meant, and she had no desire to let anyone know about them. Even though they were horrible, she felt they were the only thing left she had of Spike. They were the only way his voice could stay fresh in her mind. The only way his face wouldn't fade into a blurry image. The only way she wouldn't forget him. 

She sighed, bringing the hot cup to her lips and taking a slow sip of her java. Andy was starting to get angry about the dreams. But what could she honestly tell him? My dead boyfriend was a vampire and he died saving the world? She _couldn't_ tell him anything. He wouldn't understand. She felt like _no one_ could understand. 

The phone ringing suddenly snapped the blonde out of her thoughts, and she was glad she had brought the portable out onto the porch with her. She glanced at her watch, but _who_ would call at 5:45 in the morning? 

"Hello?" She picked up the phone, waiting for an answer. 

"Buffy." 

"Angel?" She question. "What are you....I haven't heard from you in four years...." 

"Buffy, I need you in L.A." 

"Angel. Is everything alright?" 

She heard a deep sigh from the other side of the line, "I'm not sure. Just please. Can you get a flight to L.A.?" 

"Angel...." 

"I can't stay on long, Buffy. Please. I need you down here as soon as you can come." 

A soft clicking sound signaled that Angel had hung up the phone and the blonde slayer looked at the phone curiously. Yet, her brow was creased with worry. So, she quickly dialed Giles' number. She had a bad feeling about this. 

TBC.... 

**AN**: I had to write a story after "Chosen". That episode was so.... Well, I loved it, yet it broke my heart at the same time. I plan on not making this story too long, only a few parts. 

Also for the readers of Better Than Chocolate, I'm going to try and update ASAP. I'm still working on it, don't worry. :-p 

**PLEASE REVIEW** and tell me what you thought of this....should I continue? 


	2. Part Two

Title: **My Immortal** (Title based on song by Evanescence)  
Author: Sita  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Post 7.22- It's been five years, and the night Spike died still haunts Buffy's dreams. But what happens when she gets a phone call from L.A. and comes face to face with no other than Spike? What will she do? B/S  
Spoilers: Post 7.22 "Chosen"  
Disclaimer: Insert standard disclaimer here.  
Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Just tell me where it's going first.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_You used to captivate me by your resonating mind  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time can not erase  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But do you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_  
_** ~Evanescence~**_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

**AN:** First and importantly I'd like to say 52 friggin reviews?! You guys rock! I mean.... one measly little chapter and I get all of that. Thank you! You guys are the best! 

Also, thanks to the person who told me it was "resonating life" instead of mind.... I just got the lyrics off of letssingit.com.... but I like when I have the lyrics right :-) 

This chapter is also kinda short.... but I felt I couldn't add anything else to make it perfect you know? I'm gonna try to make the next one longer. 

**Part Two**

He had insisted to come to L.A. with her, Andy that is. She had at first been reluctant to agree when he had said he wanted to come along, but she had eventually given in, dragging him along with Giles and Dawn on the plane boarding to L.A. 

The main reason Buffy had let Andy come had been that he had a sister that had become a slayer when Willow had triggered that spell all of those years ago. Believe it or not, the two had met in a graveyard when Buffy had the sudden urge to kill something one night. Andy had been following his sister and the two had run into each other. They had been together ever since. 

Though he wasn't gorgeous at first appearance, Andy had fair features, dark brown wavy hair, pale blue eyes, and was of average weight and height. Though most importantly, he was human. 

She loved the fact that she could actually have another relationship with a human being. Sure, she wasn't in love with him yet, but that didn't mean she'd never fall in love with him. Yet, he could never replace the deep feelings of love she had felt for Spike.... or even Angel. But, he was stable and a good man, and that's what she needed right now. 

"Are we almost there?" Buffy moved in the uncomfortable plane seat, turning to look at her ex-watcher and little sister who sat in the seats behind her. 

Giles glanced quickly at his watch, "According to the schedule, we should be landing in about thirty minutes." 

She nodded, turning back around as a feeling of sudden nervousness overcame her. She hadn't seen Angel in four years. What would he act like? Would he act like the jealous ex-boyfriend again once he met Andy? 

Buffy sighed and closed her eyes, trying to sooth her nerves. Breathing deeply in and out, she wasn't even aware she had drifted off to sleep. 

But she didn't rest. 

She could _never_ rest. 

She was aware of this when she sat up straight from her plane seat, gasping for air as hot tears streamed down her cheeks. 

"Are you okay?" Andy asked. "Is it another nightmare?" 

She just nodded. It had been the same one as always. Buffy wondered if they'd ever stop. What was this? Was something or someone trying to blame her for Spike's death? Or was it her own unconscious mind that was doing it? Because, whoever or whatever it was.... it was working. She blamed herself for everything. 

Andy left her alone while she cried, knowing she wouldn't want comfort. After her nightmares, she never wanted anyone or anything to touch her. She blocked herself out from the world for hours. 

The flight attendant announcing over the speakers that their flight would be landing momentarily made Buffy tense up more. For some reason, she wished she _wasn't_ coming to L.A., and she _hadn't_ called Angel back and agreed to come. She wasn't ready for this. 

The impact of the plane startled the blonde, and she held on to the seat in front of her while the plane landed. Soon everyone was unloading, and Buffy followed the crowd, her hand in Andy's as she walked out to meet Angel. 

He looked the same. He always did. But why would a vampire change anyway? 

He nodded when he saw her, and drew her into a brief hug, before reaching to hug Dawn also. 

He nodded to Giles, not even acknowledging that Andy was beside her. She figured this was his way of not threatening to get into her new boyfriend's faces. She really didn't care about the immaturity of it all at this point. She just wanted to know why Angel had wanted her here to urgently. Was he in trouble? Was the world ending again? 

She didn't speak though; afraid she'd burst into tears once more if she opened her mouth. The dream was still fresh in her mind, and usually after having it she'd be alone for hours. This time she couldn't. So she didn't utter a single word as Angel led the four of them to pick up their luggage, than to his car. 

It started raining as soon as they arrived at the old Wolfram & Hart law firm building, now known as Angel Investigations, and Buffy didn't bother to grab a jacket as she followed Angel out of the car. 

The night was starless and black. _Just like it had been the night Spike died_.... Her mind wouldn't stop tormenting her, and she desperately tried to hold back the tears that were now threatening to fall from her eyes. 

The three followed Angel as he walked into the building and into a large elevator. As soon as they got out of the elevator, he walked down a narrow corridor, stopping at the first door on his right. His hand shook slightly as he opened the doorknob. 

The room was pitch black, darker than it was outside, and the brunette vampire switched on the light switch, revealing someone very familiar yet unconscious in the bed in the middle of the room. 

Buffy thought she felt her heart stop as when she saw him. It was a sight she had yearned for every since that day five long years ago. 

And the blonde dropped to her knees beside the bed, the tears finally falling from her eyes, as she uttered a single word: 

"Spike?" 

TBC.... 

And....**PLEASE REVIEW**


	3. Part Three

Title: **My Immortal** (Title based on song by Evanescence)  
Author: Sita  
Rating: PG-13 for now....  
Summary: Post 7.22- It's been five years, and the night Spike died still haunts Buffy's dreams. But what happens when she gets a phone call from L.A. and comes face to face with no other than Spike? What will she do? B/S  
Spoilers: Post 7.22 "Chosen"  
Disclaimer: Insert standard disclaimer here.  
Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Just tell me where it's going first.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_You used to captivate me by your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time can not erase  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But do you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_  
_** ~Evanescence~**_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

**AN**: I accidentally didn't correct the lyrics last time. Oops. I'm doing it this time though. :-p 

Also, longer chapter! See, told you it'd be! And thanks for all the reviews You keep me writing! 

ARGH! I just tagged this whole chapter and saved it in an html doc….and I swear I saved it on my desktop, but I can't find it. SO I have to tag the whole thing over again. ARGH!…. Sorry, had to rant. 

**Part Three**

"Spike?" 

She couldn't get enough of it. Saying his name. Spike _actually_ being here. It felt like a wonderful yet vivid dream, though her dreams of Spike usually involved _horrible_ instead of wonderful things. 

This definitely wasn't a dream. 

A sob caught in her throat as she took in the beautiful creature laying before her. His hair had grown out again, it was wild and curly just like it had been the time she had found him insane and in Sunnydale High School's basement. Bruises and cuts were visible on his body, and a giant white bandage was wrapped around his torso. 

She didn't even realize she had dropped to her knees until she found the mattress was eye level with her when a strong hand was placed upon her shoulder. 

"I found him a week ago." Angel's voice was rough with emotion. Emotion he was trying to hide. Even if he claimed to hate Spike, Buffy knew this wasn't true, and the roughness of his voice confirmed her suspicions. 

"Has he been unconscious the whole time?" Dawn spoke up, knowing her sister was in no condition to do so. 

"He's woken up once, but briefly." He looked back down at Buffy. "He said your name, Buffy. Then he passed out again." 

"Wha....What's going on?" Andy's voice startled the others. Buffy had totally forgotten he was here. 

"It's a long story." Giles spoke, laying his hand upon Andy's shoulder. 

"Who is he?" Andy persisted. 

"Buffy will explain later, Andy." Giles spoke more firmly this time. Though Giles had never particularly cared for Spike, he had respect for his Slayer, and Spike. Spike_had_ saved the world after all. Giles owed him that much credit, at least. 

"Touch his hand." Angel whispered, kneeling down next to Buffy. 

The Slayer looked over at the brunette vampire, before leaning over and touching Spike's hand. She gasped at the touch. "It's...." 

"Warm." Angel finished the sentence for her. "I know." 

"Is he... Is he human?" 

"He has a heartbeat." Angel took Buffy's fingers and placed them where Spike's dead heart used to be, now fully alive and pumping with blood. Buffy let out a loud sob, she couldn't hold it in any longer. And she draped herself over the bedside, sobbing and holding on to the former vampire, as if she was afraid he'd disappear any second. 

"Let's go." She barely registered Giles and Dawn leading Andy out of the room as she sobbed into the unconscious man's chest. 

Angel stayed near Buffy as she cried, running his hand down her back soothingly. 

"Wake up Spike.... _please_." He heard her muffled voice whisper into Spike's chest, and he sighed, deciding it would be best if he left Buffy alone with Spike for now. 

Buffy didn't even seem to realize when he left though, her tears still staining Spike's chest. "I-" She started to speak again, but she jumped back in surprise when she felt him twitch. 

"Spike?" 

His eyes snapped open. 

"_Buffy_?" 

"Oh god," Her sobbing grew louder when she realized he was awake. "Oh god...." 

"Buffy?" He asked confused, his voice rough from tiredness. "What's going on, luv?" 

"You're back." She lifted her head up, attempting to give Spike a watery smile, but her smiled wavered as new tears started to form in her eyes once more. "You're _really_ back." 

"I thought I," He swallowed, suddenly realizing his mouth was dry. "I thought I was dead." 

"You _were_." She let out another sob, "You were." 

"What happened?" He tried to lift himself off the bed in order to give Buffy some comfort, but he couldn't do so, for pain shot right through his body and he gasped. "Bloody hell." 

"Are you alright?" She sat up. "Can I do something?" She started looking for any new visible wounds, obviously worried. 

He found the strength to lift up his hand and cover it with her own, "I'm fine, Buffy." 

"But.... I don't want," She placed her head in the crook of his neck, sobbing again. "Just...don't leave again. _Please_." 

He shivered as her warn breath tickled his skin, trying his best to comfort her, "How long was I gone? I.... I remember dying, then....then I woke up here." 

She lifted her head up at this, looking into bright blue eyes she never thought she'd see again. "You don't know how long you've been gone?" 

He chuckled dryly, "How long has it been.... a few months?" 

"Five years." She looked down as she said this, her hand grabbing his own. "I've missed you." 

"Oh Buffy," He reached up his hand to stroke her wet cheek. "I'm sorry." 

"I have dreams about you every night." She whispered. "I can't save you. I can _never_ save you. And...you blame me for your death. Was it my fault, Spike?" 

"No." His words were firm and serious. "It was my own choice. I wanted to save the world. I wanted you to fine someone you could love." 

"But I-" 

The door opening startled the two former lovers, and the brunette vampire peaked his head in. "You okay Bu...." He trailed off when he realized the other member of the room had his eyes open and he stepped in, closing the door behind him. "God Will, you're awake." 

"Don't call me that, poofter." Spike tried to smirk, but he grimaced in pain. 

Angel did smirk though, kneeling next to Buffy, "How are you feeling?" 

"Like I got hit by a bleedin' Mac truck." Spike shrugged. "I'll live though." He looked over at Buffy when he felt her grab his hand, and managed a half-smile. 

"That you will, Will." 

"Huh?" Spike looked at Angel oddly. 

"You're alive." Angel said. 

"Huh?" Spike repeated himself. 

"You have a heartbeat." Buffy spoke, her voice still shaky. She sounded like she was on the verge of tears again. 

"How can this...." Spike trailed off, suddenly realizing he'd been holding his breath and he _needed_ to take air in to satisfy his burning lungs. It was something he hadn't experienced in almost two centuries. 

"I don't know." It was Angel who spoke again. He tenderly brushed a piece of sweaty hair off his grandchilde's forehead. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm _glad_ you're alive." 

"Ah.... you always were the poofter." 

Angel let out a chuckle, "Thanks, Will." 

"Buffy?" 

Buffy jumped when she heard the sound of her boyfriend's voice outside the door of the room. 

"He's been pestering us about what's going on." Angel said. "We said it was your job to explain." 

"Not now," Buffy spoke, rising up on shaky legs to peek out of the door. Andy was standing there ringing his hands together nervously. "Can I _please_ talk to you later? I promise I'll explain. Just...not right now." Her voice was pleading and tears were still falling out of her eyes as she looked at her boyfriend. 

"I'm just worried." He spoke. 

"I know." She responded. "I'll be out later." She closed the door and kneeled back down next to Angel, her hand grabbing Spike's again. 

He looked at her curiously, "Who was that?" 

She looked about to panic when he asked her that question. _How_ could she tell him she had a new boyfriend? So she said the first thing that came to her mind, "It doesn't matter." 

He sighed as she buried her face into his shoulder, and Angel didn't respond with jealousy like one would've thought. Instead, he just looked at them, an unreadable expression on his face. 

"Spike," She lifted up her face suddenly, looking into his eyes. "Promise you'll never leave me again." 

"Buffy I can't-" 

"Just promise. _Please_?" 

"I promise." 

TBC.... 

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! 

And.... **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE

I'm so sorry for no updates... I've been so busy. I'm heading out to Carnegie Hall in about a half hour... I'll try to update on the plane... then upload it when I'm in NY. If I don't get the updates done in NY... I should be back in two weeks! I'm so sorry! 


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